Summer has been a season of travel; weekends scattered across the country, a planned trip to Europe. Weddings, so many weddings. Some huge events at enormous temples, some farmyard ceremonies resplendent with bursts of wildflowers, some sophisticated and formal in hats and dresses. I have spent about 10 days in the city since the start of summer, and probably fewer days to come over the next 6 weeks. I am untethered to a place, my things stuffed unceremoniously into suitcases, my apartment scattered with the detritus of laundry from the last adventure. I wear the same white sneakers almost every day, and the same three bathing suits on repeat. My hair is chlorinated and dry, my skin smells of sunscreen, there is a grain of sand stuck in my wedding ring.
I come home to an empty fridge. A half drunk bottle of wine from weeks ago that has certainly spoiled, is the only thing in there that isn’t a condiment. I wake up on Monday mornings after a trip and realize there is no milk for tea. The laundry pile looms ever larger, done only in extreme necessity as we try to pack in our ordinary lives around the time we spend having fun. Everything is a little chaotic and I am never sure if I have remembered to buy the wedding present, or booked the hotel or hire the car. We leave again, within 5 days; cases packed, sunglasses misplaced, to-do list abandoned.
I never miss home, when I am gone. It is a building, four walls that enclose my space, things that could belong to anyone. I do not feel relieved to come home, or climb into my own bed after a week away. There is no wave of satisfaction that comes with sinking into my own bathtub, or picking out shoes from a bigger set of options. I am not soothed by a home cooked meal or a hot cup of tea on the sofa.
You see, home comes wherever I go. It is in the phone calls from my sister, 5 hours ahead. It is in the same cardigan I take everywhere, with the hole in the right-hand sleeve. It is in the warmth of my husband’s skin at night, a constant no matter where I am. Home is where the heart is. And I am always home.
